Today I was looking through Marcus's iPhone album on the computer. As I clicked through the photos I realized how many photos of me never really 'made the cut'. Not that I go to outrageous efforts taking photos but I still (like everyone) judge my photos harshly against all the perfect photos of people with perfect outfits, perfect hair, perfect make up and perfect angles.
As I went back I started to save each of these images, because although at the time all I saw was an 'average photo', today I saw something more that actually hit me at a deeper level.
In retrospect these photos showed me in a different way. A real way. As a human. As me. I saw the truth in these photos and it actually upset me a little. While we all are chasing the perfect image and engaging online with the 'beautiful pictures' we tend to lose sight on who we really are, and often overlook people who could add so much value to our lives simply because they don't always have a perfect reel of high quality photos. Many of my images I admit, look 'pretty', but on closer inspection in comparison to these images, I just don't think they actually have the true spirit of who I am.
In a non egotistical and narcissitc way, I like me. I like that above everything else I am a kind person who cares. I am a deeply thoughtful person who has a crazy busy mind, which can be both a blessing and a curse. I have great perspective of what matters and am extremely grateful and appreciative for my life. I have integrity, values, and morals that I stand for proudly. I realize that no amount of money, no particular body, no amount of likes, follows or adoration will bring me true satisfaction in life. I know I have made mistakes and done some crazy shit in my life, but I have never intentionally hurt someone or done anything with malice. I have a passion for helping people, no matter how small a difference I can make. I can't help everyone, but I can treat everyone with the empathy and give them my best effort. I'm a human with a story like everyone else and I truly just want everyone to find happiness and live a beautiful fulfilling life, while being kind to others and allowing them to do the same.
It clicked to me today that I am actually really fucking hard on myself and instead of worrying about 'engagement' (not the 'like' kind, but I just really want to get my message heard amongst all the BS dominating social media in order to help people who are really struggling ) and getting the right photos, I need to just keep putting epic CONTENT out there and the people who need to hear my voice will see it no matter what the image is that goes with it.
Each of these photos actually have a memory of a moment for me, not just simply taken to meet social media standards.